Please read carefully before entering the premises.

No talking

We still employ a zero tolerance policy but special dispensation will be applied in situations where an individual has looked out of a window and noticed an approaching zombie army. Under these circumstances, and only these circumstances, you have permission to raise your voice and state, ‘Run. Run for your…

Please read carefully before bothering one of your new overlords.

Despite the events of the past week is there any chance you come in peace?

I’m afraid not. The bloodshed and outright carnage we have been responsible for over the last seven days is fairly indictive of our long-term goals in regard to the inhabitants of your planet.

We haven’t…

OPEN LETTER

We have built your dream bookshop.

Dear Sophie,

Thank you so much for filling in our customer suggestion form. When reading through your answers it soon became apparent that we had to adopt all of your wonderful ideas with immediate effect. Fast forward three months and it is time to look at the results.

Architecture

In general…

A guide to the phrases used by manipulative cavemen since the dawn of humans

If you really loved me you would happily stand in the middle of the swamp in order to lure a woolly mammoth to its doom.

A gaslighting practitioner will use your love against you. They will refuse to accept the idea that it is possible to love someone and be annoyed with them at the same time. …

There were a few surprise entries at this year’s event …

First Place: Vectron from the planet Mamoon

A clear winner. Three tonnes in weight and yet still maintained an athletic physique; proof that it is possible to have the best of both worlds as long as you are a silicon based organism. The judges were particularly impressed with the size of his triceps/wings.

Second Place: Zlock from the planet Slosh

Lacked bulk but more…

Your future happiness could be at stake.

Is there a chance your beloved is a movie snob? Are you worried that their growing pretensions will eventually destroy your relationship? Don’t worry, help is at hand. All you have to do is read the following quotations: if your partner has said something similar on three or more occasions…

H. L. Warren

Welsh writer. Humor, hopefully.

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